The project here it to get
Softer with Yourself ~ Softer with Others ~ Softer on the Planet
The site offers thoughts and suggestions to help you have a Calmer, Easier, Gentler, Greener, Kinder, Happier, Lighter, Funner Life!
Read on down the page, or learn more at the About Page, or What’s the Idea?
As I continue my personal experiential study of being softer with myself, one of the things that’s helping a lot has been to jettison the word “should” from my vocabulary. I find that even without holding a big stick over my head, things are getting done, and life is flowing along, better than ever in fact. Ideas are coming to me, I’m following the energy of whatever feels like the right thing to focus on in the moment, in the day, in the week.
Martha Beck talks about making decisions based on whether the activity in question makes you feel “shackles on” or “shackles off”. In other words, is it something you’re feeling forced to do, shoving yourself into chains or a dark box, or something that feels like you are free and flying? Is it something that makes you groan and want to pull the covers back over your head?
Or something that makes you want to shout “whoo hoo” because energy is coursing through you?
When I originally conceived of this site, I was excited by the ideas I wanted to share and explore, and I thought the way I “should” do this was through a blog. But as I faced the prospect of feeling obligated to write a new post several times a week, I felt the shackles creeping toward me.
The clear answer was to write less often, or change the structure of the site. But it took me a while to get to that solution, because my “taskmaster” voice kicked in and tried to tell me that I “should” write every day because I told people to come to the site and they would be expecting a constant flow of new content. The word “constant” alone feels like a shackle, so I knew this wasn’t right for me.
Now I know there are people out there who will say “But what about your responsibilities and obligations?” Can you just feel the shackles? That’s because the word “obligation” comes from the Latin for “bind.” Whenever possible, I say, eliminate anything that is an “obligation” – something you are doing only because you agreed to do something you didn’t really want to do. Get rid of obligations, shoulds, got-to’s! Say no thank you!
I’m advocating a different kind of responsibility – the responsibility to enjoy your life, to want to do whatever you’re spending energy on. If you hate your job, find one that you like more. If you hate your life, change it until you don’t hate it any more. I’m freelancing right now, and oddly, I’ve had to remind myself not to take on projects that repel me!
Basically I’m advising you to do as close to exactly what you want to be doing as much of the time as possible! Who’s in?
The last few days have been a case study in living softer. A week ago I decided I wanted to try out a new format for Be Softer, so I installed some new software. Unfortunately, this had the unforeseen effect of taking down the current blog! Sorry if you were checking in for up-to-the-minute news in being softer!
As I was about to head out of town for a few days when it happened, there was literally nothing for me to do except accept that the site would be down for that time. And it’s taken me another couple of days to fix the issue.
But I resisted the urge to freak out. In fact, my first reaction was laughter at the enforced softness after my trying to squeeze in “just one more thing” right before travelling. One of my realizations over the week has been that Be Softer isn’t a site that requires urgency on anyone’s part. Me stressing out about posting daily clearly is not part of the Be Softer way.
And I know all too well what it is to have an RSS feeder that is constantly letting me know that I have over 1000 messages to read from blogs about decluttering and minimizing and simplifying! I don’t need to add to someone else’s “must” list!
So I will indeed be reorganizing the site over the coming weeks to create a space for resources and ideas, that can be accessed on an as-desired basis, rather than required daily reading (and posting). In the meantime, I will continue to post ideas and links here in the blog, and still welcome your feedback. And I’ll create a forum to make the site a place where everyone can share their knowledge, experience and soft places and people they’ve come across.
Thanks for sharing in this experiment with me!
Here’s a stress-relief technique that’s 100% free and always available:
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Repeat.
In more detail: Breathe in through your nose for several seconds. Breathe deeply than normal – allow the air to fill your belly and raise your diaphragm. Hold it there for a few seconds. Now exhale through your mouth, blowing it out with sound if that helps. Allow your belly to relax and deflate. Let your shoulders drop. Visualize calm, cool air flowing in and stress flowing out.
Your brain will be more alert from extra oxygen, your muscles will relax, and you will give your mind a few seconds rest from thinking, by focusing on the breathing.
It’s surprising how easy it is to forget to breathe in a relaxed way! On an especially stressful day, you can set a timer to remember to do this every couple of hours.
If you are reading this, that means you are blessed to be literate, have access to electricity, access to technology, and a place to sit inside (or the resources to have mobile internet access). If you’re reading this on your own computer, you’re almost certainly in the world’s top 5-10% of wealth.
I’ve spent the last few days enjoying the luxury of a road trip with my partner, visiting with a friend, and enjoying professional sports with tens of thousands of other people. When I hear people around me complain about some small inconvenience, I want to remind them how very lucky we all are to be where we are.
But it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to focus on all the things we don’t have, the things that aren’t going right, the people who haven’t treated us the way we want to be treated. When I find myself forgetting, I pull out my gratitude journal and enter 10 things every day that I’m grateful for. I use the #grateful and #gratitude tags on Twitter. Could be oatmeal. Could be sunshine. Could be having a bed to sleep in and blankets and heat to keep me warm.
I find when I am consistently grateful, life becomes even easier and more blessed – things flow more effortlessly. I see the Universe as constantly showering us with presents. Who is more fun to give presents to: someone who is grateful and cheers each new gift, sharing her blessings with everyone around her? Or someone who shrugs and complains and hoards and constantly asks for more?
If I want a new present, wouldn’t it be a good idea to send a thank you letter for the ones I’ve already received?
In honour of World Vegetarian Day/Month, this would be a great weekend to experiment with kicking the meat habit.
What does eating vegetarian have to do with being softer?
It’s kinder to your body – Since cholesterol comes from animal “products”, vegetarians have way lower cholesterol levels, and hence lower rates of heart disease and stroke. Vegetarians also have lower weight, lower blood pressure, and lower rates of cancer and diabetes.
It’s kinder to the Earth – 18% of greenhouse gases come from meat production, versus 13% from cars. In North America, half of all water resources, one-third of all fossil fuels, 70% of grains, and 80 percent of agricultural land are used to raise animals for food.
It’s kinder to animals – Do I need to explain this one? By going vegetarian, you can save around 100 animals a year. If you need incentive, and are ready to find out where your meat comes from, watch this very unsoft video.
It’s so yummy!
I’ve been a vegetarian for 17 years now, but I know being a full-time vegetarian it’s not for everyone. But just like cutting your electricity use or car use, cutting your meat intake by whatever percentage you can manage will help make the world a softer place.
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Want to go longer than a day? Here’s a few more resources:
Vegetarian Starter Kit (Or order a hard copy variation)
Making the transition – with recipes!
I am honoured to be one of Jamie Ridler’s first interview subjects in her podcast series Creative Living with Jamie! Jamie is an amazing self-development coach and artist. She offers weekly Wishcasting, monthly Full Moon Dreamboards, a book club, in-person workshops, and electronic resources.
We had a great time talking about finding harmony between the act of creating and the administrative aspects of getting your creations out into the world (a challenge I face in my work as a writer/producer). I also of course discussed how being softer generates space and energy for creativity .
You can listen at her site, or subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or other software.
To fans of Jamie who found me through her site, welcome to Be Softer!
Here’s a way to spend 15 seconds and no money to:
All with just the click of the mouse! Just visit The Hunger Site once a day and click once for Hunger, Breast Cancer, Literacy, Child Health, Rainforest and Animal Rescue. For each click on the site, sponsors donate money for the charity partners.
How does it add up? In 2008, the site donated:
If you want to do more, you can buy a variety of products on the site, a portion of which go to further support the causes. For more information about where the money goes, see the “about this site” on each of the pages.
If you set the page as your home page on your browser, you’ll be sure to remember, and you’ll know that no matter what else happens that day, you’ll have made a small difference that adds up.
Today I’m urging you to take a break from reading or watching the news.
Yes, as citizens of the world, we want to be informed, but I’ve noticed that the main headlines as reported by newspapers, television or online is basically a roll call of who died or was attacked in some way, and how. The more intense the violence involved, the more likely we are to hear about it. (The old “if it bleeds, it leads” adage.)
Is this what you want to fill your eyes and mind with, as one of the first acts of your day?
Or if it’s political headlines or blogs you prefer, think about whether reading them is mainly a way to get an adrenaline rush, to see what the “Other Side” has done now, and commiserate with others in outrage.
So what do I suggest instead, to reduce rather than raise your blood pressure? Taking a walk outside. Cloud gazing. Reading a book. Finger painting. Daydreaming. Cuddling a pet or human. Reading positive blogs. Playing with a yoyo.
I realize that news reporting can at times be helpful to galvanize people to take action. If you’re worried that you’ll miss something important that you should respond to, you could set up an automatic payment to the Red Cross and/or your favourite political group to cover whatever the crisis of the moment is.
Give it a try, for a morning, a day, the whole weekend — and let us know how it works out.
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The very cool green-friendly home design site Re-nest has gathered suggestions on how to use old cassette tapes in home decor.
Designs include mirrors, lamps and a coin purse!
Then they pointed me to Interbent to figure out what to do with these pesky CDs and CD-Roms…
