As I continue my personal experiential study of being softer with myself, one of the things that’s helping a lot has been to jettison the word “should” from my vocabulary. I find that even without holding a big stick over my head, things are getting done, and life is flowing along, better than ever in fact. Ideas are coming to me, I’m following the energy of whatever feels like the right thing to focus on in the moment, in the day, in the week.

Martha Beck talks about making decisions based on whether the activity in question makes you feel “shackles on” or “shackles off”. In other words, is it something you’re feeling forced to do, shoving yourself into chains or a dark box, or something that feels like you are free and flying? Is it something that makes you groan and want to pull the covers back over your head?

Or something that makes you want to shout “whoo hoo” because energy is coursing through you?

When I originally conceived of this site, I was excited by the ideas I wanted to share and explore, and I thought the way I “should” do this was through a blog. But as I faced the prospect of feeling obligated to write a new post several times a week, I felt the shackles creeping toward me.

The clear answer was to write less often, or change the structure of the site. But it took me a while to get to that solution, because my “taskmaster” voice kicked in and tried to tell me that I “should” write every day because I told people to come to the site and they would be expecting a constant flow of new content. The word “constant” alone feels like a shackle, so I knew this wasn’t right for me.

Now I know there are people out there who will say “But what about your responsibilities and obligations?” Can you just feel the shackles? That’s because the word “obligation” comes from the Latin for “bind.” Whenever possible, I say, eliminate anything that is an “obligation” – something you are doing only because you agreed to do something you didn’t really want to do. Get rid of obligations, shoulds, got-to’s! Say no thank you!

I’m advocating a different kind of responsibility – the responsibility to enjoy your life, to want to do whatever you’re spending energy on. If you hate your job, find one that you like more. If you hate your life, change it until you don’t hate it any more. I’m freelancing right now, and oddly, I’ve had to remind myself not to take on projects that repel me!

Basically I’m advising you to do as close to exactly what you want to be doing as much of the time as possible! Who’s in?

If you are reading this, that means you are blessed to be literate, have access to electricity, access to technology, and a place to sit inside (or the resources to have mobile internet access). If you’re reading this on your own computer, you’re almost certainly in the world’s top 5-10% of wealth.

I’ve spent the last few days enjoying the luxury of a road trip with my partner, visiting with a friend, and enjoying professional sports with tens of thousands of other people. When I hear people around me complain about some small inconvenience, I want to remind them how very lucky we all are to be where we are.

But it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to focus on all the things we don’t have, the things that aren’t going right, the people who haven’t treated us the way we want to be treated. When I find myself forgetting, I pull out my gratitude journal and enter 10 things every day that I’m grateful for. I use the #grateful and #gratitude tags on Twitter. Could be oatmeal. Could be sunshine. Could be having a bed to sleep in and blankets and heat to keep me warm.

I find when I am consistently grateful, life becomes even easier and more blessed – things flow more effortlessly. I see the Universe as constantly showering us with presents. Who is more fun to give presents to: someone who is grateful and cheers each new gift, sharing her blessings with everyone around her? Or someone who shrugs and complains and hoards and constantly asks for more?

If I want a new present, wouldn’t it be a good idea to send a thank you letter for the ones I’ve already received?

In honour of World Vegetarian Day/Month, this would be a great weekend to experiment with kicking the meat habit.

What does eating vegetarian have to do with being softer?

It’s kinder to your body – Since cholesterol comes from animal “products”, vegetarians have way lower cholesterol levels, and hence lower rates of heart disease and stroke. Vegetarians also have lower weight, lower blood pressure, and lower rates of cancer and diabetes.

It’s kinder to the Earth – 18% of greenhouse gases come from meat production, versus 13% from cars. In North America, half of all water resources, one-third of all fossil fuels, 70% of grains, and 80 percent of agricultural land are used to raise animals for food.

It’s kinder to animals – Do I need to explain this one? By going vegetarian, you can save around 100 animals a year. If you need incentive, and are ready to find out where your meat comes from, watch this very unsoft video.

It’s so yummy!

I’ve been a vegetarian for 17 years now, but I know being a full-time vegetarian it’s not for everyone. But just like cutting your electricity use or car use, cutting your meat intake by whatever percentage you can manage will help make the world a softer place.

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Want to go longer than a day? Here’s a few more resources:

Vegetarian Starter Kit (Or order a hard copy variation)

Making the transition – with recipes!

More recipes!

1. The floor is getting colder
2. Your toes miss the feel of warm sand
3. You went for a run, then took the stairs instead of the elevator
4. You gave that presentation in non-sensible shoes
5. Your feet feel isolated all day – now’s your chance to let them commune in softness

I am honoured to be one of Jamie Ridler’s first interview subjects in her podcast series Creative Living with Jamie!  Jamie is an amazing self-development coach and artist. She offers weekly Wishcasting, monthly Full Moon Dreamboards, a book club, in-person workshops, and electronic resources.

We had a great time talking about finding harmony between the act of creating and the administrative aspects of getting your creations out into the world (a challenge I face in my work as a writer/producer). I also of course discussed how being softer generates space and energy for creativity .

You can listen at her site, or subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or other software.

To fans of Jamie who found me through her site, welcome to Be Softer!

Today I’m urging you to take a break from reading or watching the news.

Yes, as citizens of the world, we want to be informed, but I’ve noticed that the main headlines as reported by newspapers, television or online is basically a roll call of who died or was attacked in some way, and how. The more intense the violence involved, the more likely we are to hear about it. (The old “if it bleeds, it leads” adage.)

Is this what you want to fill your eyes and mind with, as one of the first acts of your day?

Or if it’s political headlines or blogs you prefer, think about whether reading them is mainly a way to get an adrenaline rush, to see what the “Other Side” has done now, and commiserate with others in outrage.

So what do I suggest instead, to reduce rather than raise your blood pressure? Taking a walk outside. Cloud gazing. Reading a book. Finger painting. Daydreaming. Cuddling a pet or human. Reading positive blogs. Playing with a yoyo.

I realize that news reporting can at times be helpful to galvanize people to take action. If you’re worried that you’ll miss something important that you should respond to, you could set up an automatic payment to the Red Cross and/or your favourite political group to cover whatever the crisis of the moment is.

Give it a try, for a morning, a day, the whole weekend — and let us know how it works out.

If you’d like to receive the weekly “Try This” every Friday by email, sign up for the newsletter.

I stole this idea from my friend Zadie: a structure-free day. Pick one day a week where you have no agenda, no plans, no to-do list. Just do whatever you feel like doing. Could be going for a long bike ride or calling friends or (my personal favourite) lying on the couch with a book. If you truly feel like painting the porch, you can do it, but not because you feel like you have to, or because you said that’s what you would do this weekend.

It’s a refreshing feeling!

What happens when ask yourself “What do I really feel like doing right now?” instead of “What should I be doing right now?”

For this weekend’s Try This, I offer a can’t-fail fun-maker: the yoyo.

I hadn’t played with one for quite some time, but picked one up at a store a while ago and just the feel of it in my hand made me smile immediately. I’m convinced flinging an object around on a string can’t help but “take years off your age.” Just watch out for bonking yourself (or others) in the head. Not saying that happened to me or anything…

If you actually need a rational reason to pick up a yoyo, it turns out that playing with a yoyo is great mental exercise because it uses both the left and right sides of your brain! Who knew?

If you don’t have one in the back of your closet or kitchen drawer, just going to pick one up could provide a spirit of adventure. Linger in the toy store! Try out all kinds of stuff! They’ve got all kinds of fancy models that light up and return to you automatically, but the old tried and true classic yoyo will do more than fine!

Once yoyo is safely in hand and you’ve had some time to play on your own, you can learn to do some tricks if you want. I found a site for beginner yoyo tricks, and one for more advanced.

Here’s the winner of the 2005 YoYo championships, for inspiration:

Give it a spin! Have a fun weekend!

Today marks the start of Twestival Local. Twitter users and their friends will use the next 4 days to hold fundraising events, raise awareness of local charities and do small community projects. If you’ve never gotten the point of Twitter, this is a great chance to see how it can be used as a force for good!

And you can participate even if you’re not a Twitter user! (people who post updates on their lives, or links of interest to others, but only 140 characters at a time)

Things you can do:

• See if there’s a Twestival event happening in your city and go support it. You don’t have to be on Twitter to attend!
• Make a donation to your city’s cause, or if there’s no event in your city, adopt one!
• Follow everyone’s Twitter reports and see what people are up to all over the world.
• If you have a Twitter account, you can retweet information to your followers. #twestival is the subject hashtag
• Offer a suggestion for or take part in one of the small-scale Twestival Projects (you can see what other people are up to by watching hashtag #twestivalgood

This is only the first year of the project, so I’m impressed at how much is happening this year, and can’t wait to see it grow as the years go on!

The project here it to get
Softer with Yourself ~ Softer with Others ~ Softer on the Planet

The site offers thoughts and suggestions to help you have a Calmer, Easier, Gentler, Greener, Kinder, Happier, Lighter, Funner Life!

Read on down the page, or learn more at the About Page, or What’s the Idea?